How Do You Cook A Boneless Turkey Crown

Alright, gather 'round, folks. I've got a tale to tell, a tale of triumph over poultry. It's the story of how I, a mere mortal, conquered the mighty boneless turkey crown. Now, I'm no Gordon Ramsay, but after this, I reckon I could give him a run for his money. Or at least, a good laugh.

First things first: What's a boneless turkey crown, you ask?

Well, imagine a turkey, but without the legs and wings. It's like the turkey said, "I'm done with this whole 'running around' business. I'm going to be a couch potato, like a good millennial." Then, some clever butcher said, "Hey, let's make this easier to cook, yeah?" And thus, the boneless turkey crown was born.

Now, you might be thinking, "Why would I want to cook a turkey that's given up on life?" Well, my friend, because it's delicious, that's why. And it's easier to cook than a whole turkey. Plus, it's like cooking a giant chicken breast. Who doesn't love a good chicken breast?

Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: The size of this thing.

I mean, it's called a crown, but it's more like a turkey skyscraper. I've seen smaller turkeys whole. But don't let its size intimidate you. This is our challenge, our quest. We shall not be defeated by a mere lack of bones.

Preparation: The calm before the storm.

First, take your turkey crown out of the fridge a couple of hours before cooking. You want it to come to room temperature. This isn't a date, but still, it's polite to let your food warm up a bit.

Next, preheat your oven to 190°C (170°C fan) or Gas Mark 5. It's like the oven is saying, "I'm ready for you, turkey. Let's do this."

Now, here's where things get a bit... interesting. You're going to want to season your turkey. I mean, really season it. We're talking salt, pepper, garlic, herbs - the works. Don't be shy. This is no time for subtlety. Remember, this turkey has given up on life. It needs all the flavor it can get.

Some people like to stuff their turkey. I say, "Why stop at stuffing? Let's make a turducken out of this thing!" Kidding. Sort of. But if you do stuff it, make sure it's not too heavy. We don't want our turkey keeling over before it's even cooked.

Cooking: The main event.

Place your turkey crown in a roasting tin, breast side up. It's like a turkey sunbathing. Isn't that cute? No? Okay, moving on.

Boneless Turkey Crown

Cover the tin loosely with foil. This is like giving your turkey a little hat to keep it warm. Then, pop it in the oven. Now, we wait. And wait. And wait some more. This is the part where I usually start talking to my oven, begging it to cook faster. But don't do that. It won't help.

After about 1 hour and 40 minutes, take the foil off. This is like revealing your turkey's new hairstyle. It's a big moment. Then, turn the oven up to 220°C (200°C fan) or Gas Mark 7 for the last 20-30 minutes. This is the turkey's final photoshoot. Make it count.

Resting: The most important part (no, really).

Once your turkey is cooked (check with a thermometer, it should be 70°C in the thickest part), take it out of the oven. Now, here's where you might want to sit down. Are you sitting? Good. Because the turkey needs to rest for 20-30 minutes. Yes, you read that right. You've just spent over two hours cooking this beast, and now you have to wait even longer.

But trust me, it's worth it. Resting lets the juices redistribute throughout the meat. It's like giving your turkey a little massage. And who doesn't love a good massage?

Serving: The grand finale.

Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for. Carve your turkey. I like to think of it as a turkey spa day. You're giving it a nice, relaxing cut. And then, you eat it. Because, well, you've earned it.

And there you have it, folks. The tale of how I cooked a boneless turkey crown. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Because at the end of the day, it's not just about cooking a turkey. It's about the journey. The triumph. The delicious, delicious triumph.