There Is Something Wrong With Aunt Diane

So, there's this Aunt Diane, right? Now, I'm not talking about your sweet, knitting-loving, apple-pie-baking aunt. No, no, no. This is Aunt Diane, the one who's got more secrets than a magician's hat and more quirks than a bag of popcorn.

First off, let's talk about her coffee. She doesn't just drink it, she inhales it. I mean, I've seen her down a cup in the time it takes me to find my glasses. And don't even get me started on the sugar. She puts enough in her coffee to make a candy thermometer explode.

Meet the Human Parrot

Now, Aunt Diane has this uncanny ability to remember everything. I mean, she's like a human parrot. You tell her something once, and she's got it stored away in that brain of hers, ready to be whipped out at the most inconvenient moments. Like that time she reminded me about the time I wet the bed at my cousin's wedding. Thanks, Aunt Diane, for that lovely trip down memory lane.

But it's not just memories she hoards. Oh no, she's also got a collection of random facts that would make a trivia champion weep. Did you know that a group of flamingos is called a 'flamboyance'? Yeah, me neither, until Aunt Diane decided to share that little nugget over Thanksgiving dinner.

When Aunt Diane Met the Internet

Then came the day Aunt Diane discovered the internet. I thought the coffee consumption was bad before, but now? She's like a caffeine-fueled, fact-finding machine. She's on there all day, every day, learning about everything from the mating habits of the Australian lungfish to the history of the yo-yo.

‎There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane - Apple TV

And don't think you can get away with any fibs around Aunt Diane. She's got Google on speed dial, and she's not afraid to use it. I once told her I'd been 'working late' when I'd actually been at the bar. She looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "According to Google, the bar closes at 11, and it's now 12:30. Care to try again?" Yeah, I didn't stand a chance.

When Aunt Diane Met Her Match

But even Aunt Diane has her limits. Enter Uncle Bob. Now, Bob is the only person I've ever seen make Aunt Diane look like a normal human being. He's a retired librarian with a memory like a steel trap and a love for useless trivia that rivals Aunt Diane's.

There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane (film, 2011) - FilmVandaag.nl

I've seen them go head-to-head in trivia games that would make a game show host weep. They've been known to argue over who's right about the most obscure facts until the wee hours of the morning. It's like watching two supercomputers trying to outprocess each other.

But you know what? As crazy as they both are, they make each other happy. And at the end of the day, isn't that what really matters? So here's to Aunt Diane and Uncle Bob, the king and queen of the fact-finding realm. May their coffee pots always be full and their trivia nights never end.