Body Found On Bexhill Beach Today

So, I was strolling along Bexhill Beach today, you know, just your average Tuesday, minding my own business, when I spotted something that made me do a double-take. Now, I've seen some weird stuff on that beach - once I found a traffic cone with a tiny, knitted jumper on it, but that's a story for another time.

Beached Body Baffles Locals

There, half-buried in the sand, was what looked like a human body. I mean, it was either that or a very convincing sand sculpture of a person who'd had one too many at the beachside pub. I rubbed my eyes, took a sip of my coffee (yes, I was that person walking on the beach with a takeaway coffee, judge me), and looked again. Yep, still there. I whipped out my phone, snapped a pic, and sent it to my mate Dave with the caption, "Found a body on Bexhill Beach. You think they'd appreciate a 'Just Married' sign?"

Now, before you start imagining some sort of beachside whodunit, let me stop you right there. This wasn't one of those 'Murder on the Orient Express' situations. No, this was something far more... unusual.

Meet 'Bexhill Bert' - The Beach's Newest Resident

Turns out, our beachcomber was no ordinary body. It was a fibreglass body - a rather lifelike one, I'll give it that. The local council had been doing some beach maintenance and had lost one of their 'Bexhill Bert' figures. You know, those lifeguard dummies they use for training? Well, poor old Bert had gone for a swim and ended up face down in the sand.

I mean, can you imagine the council's reaction when they realized Bert was missing? "Has anyone seen our giant, naked man? He was last seen near the lifeboat station." I can just picture the local newspaper headline: "Bexhill's Naked Manhunt - Council in Panic Over Missing Bert."

Body recovered from sea in Bexhill identified as missing fisherman

Anyway, back to Bert. The council sent out a team to retrieve him, and I stuck around to watch the show. I mean, how often do you get to see a grown man in a wetsuit trying to wrestle a naked, sand-covered dummy onto a stretcher? It was like watching a real-life version of that game where you have to get the banana out of the custard without using your hands.

Bexhill's Weird and Wonderful History

You might think this is a one-off, but no, no, no. Bexhill Beach has a history of the weird and wonderful. There was the time a giant inflatable chicken ended up on the beach. The locals named it 'Chicken Licken' and it became something of a local celebrity. There was even talk of a 'Chicken Licken Day' parade, but alas, it was never to be. Poor Chicken Licken was last seen floating out to sea, no doubt on its way to start a new life as a giant chicken island.

Five arrests after man's body found in Bexhill - SussexLive

Then there was the time a group of divers found a submarine off the coast. Yes, you read that right. A submarine. Turns out, it was just a bunch of kids playing a prank, but still, it gave the local news a good story for the day.

Bexhill Beach - The Gift That Keeps on Giving

So, there you have it. Another day, another body found on Bexhill Beach. But fear not, dear reader, for Bexhill is not a place of darkness and despair. No, it's a place of laughter, of joy, of inflatable chickens and lost submarines. It's a place where the weird and wonderful come to play, and where a body on the beach is just another Tuesday.

And as for me? Well, I'll be back on that beach tomorrow, coffee in hand, ready to see what Bexhill has in store for me next. After all, you never know when you might find another body. Or a traffic cone with a tiny, knitted jumper. Stranger things have happened on Bexhill Beach.